Old.

What will we look like when we get old?

Will we look the way we remember looking? At some age, does the mirror become less of a physical reality and more of an idea? Will nothing change but everything feel like it has, or will everything be altered and we still feel like we're walking around with 25-year-old legs, or will it be a little of this, a little of that, 25-year-old legs carrying a 50-year-old torso with 75-year-old breasts and a brain that's half 19 one-third 37 one-eighth 52 and the rest is not able to be quantified by someone who hasn't Been There.

What will our husbands and wives think? Will we repulse them a little more each day? Will they spend the first fifteen minutes of every morning suppressing their gag reflex? Or will they not even notice? Will we be to them as divas, as heartthrobs, as even before the first day they met us, preserved in the amber of their passion for our bodies and minds? Which of these eventualities would be more devastating?

Will we cry at night, hugging ourselves, fantasizing about the costume we used to wear?

Will we sleep like babies, content in the knowledge that everything is as alien as it's ever going to get?

Will I fit into the same clothes?

Will I fit into the same skin?

Will I fit into me?

Will anyone notice, or will it all just slide by, inexorably, unnoticeable, and if the latter, would that really be such a bad thing? Not to be noticed, not to be noted, just to happen.

Vacated.

Upon arriving at the cabins, I was informed that Tenets had been laid in place for the weekend, and that they were as follows:

1. Douche It Less

I still don't understand what this means, except that it seems to have little to do with showering, but the degree of urgency with which Brettastic imparted it to me led me to believe that it may have been, in fact, the CENTRAL tenet of the weekend. For whatever that's worth.

2. Stay Off That Clutch

Brettastic owns a manual-transmission car, which instantly makes him a super-awesome Top-Gear-level auto warlock. Or at least, it would, had none of his passengers noticed his alarming habit of stepping on gas and clutch simultaneously while idling on steep hills. His engine noticed, too.

3. Be Safe

Let's not get carried away.

4. Nurse It To Completion

Originally applied to a cup of coffee, this tenet is something it's almost rude not to apply to other aspects of life, as well.

I dutifully inserted these Tenets into a Google Keep note, where they were formatted into a list of checkboxes, making them feel like to-do items rather than a set of guidelines by which to live 72 hours of one's life.

But live our lives by them, we did.

A bonus photo for you blogreaders, of adorable Emily, adorably snoozing in the adorable sunshine and adorably drooling adorable whiskey onto her adorable pillow.

More.

The corset saga continues, briefly. I wore it to a date a few days ago and got a very enthusiastic assist in its tightening. Finished product:

It shapes! It shifts! It shoves! It reminds you that even though you're claustrophobic, for some reason, you enjoy restraint!

I parallel parked while wearing this thing. Please inform those who accuse women of inferior performance behind the wheel, and also tell my dad, because he taught me to drive and loves stories about me parking under duress.

I get to spend the holiday weekend in the Olympics, springing into hot springs and drinking heavily in unusual areas in nature. There won't be any live updates of this blessed event, due to the blessed lack of internet connectivity among the treetops, but I'll have a photo album prepared upon my return.

In the meantime, please enjoy Things Tim Howard Could Save.