Squeeze.

I has a corset.

It's black and shiny and squishes me in like a somewhat elbowy hug. I've never worn a corset before, not really-for-reals; as a young Rocky Horrorite, I poured myself into an oversize bustier to play a double-gender-swapped Dr. Frank, but given its lack of actual compression - and my lack of an actual waistline at the time - I don't think that counts. THIS corset is for real. This corset ain't even playin.

First-time corset application makes one quesion everything one once thought one knew about one's own questionabl-to-begin-with shape. I tugged, gasped, jerked, hauled, muttered, swore, and sweated, unattractively. Moon Base attempted gamely to assist at first, but his heart isn't in it. Trial By Clothing is not his fetish. Luckily, Trial By More Or Less Everything is yet another of mine, so I kept at it until I was about 80% sure I'd managed to put it on in a manner that wasn't doing irreversible organ damage. +1 for me.

The reason I obtained the corset in the first place wasn't for my own enjoyment, though. In two months, I'm headed to New York, where I'll visit my unbelievably attractive friend Billz:

...and shoot another sure-to-be-jaw-droppping set with my friend and admired artist Michele Serchuk. I'm quite excited about this shoot, if I do say so myself - and without blowing anything, all I can tell you is that it involves a fancy hotel room, this corset, and my famous 20-eye Doc Martens. Ladies, start lining up now, and leave your panties at the door, cause this shit is about to RIP THEM APART

I'm wearing the corset right now, actually. Word on the street is, you've got to wear them for an hour or two each day for the first however-many-days you've got them, so that you can bond with them or they can steal your soul via your pores or some crap. I'm not really sure. All I'm sure of is that it corrects my posture (which didn't need correcting in the first place, thanksverymuch, I balance books on my head for laughs), it looks not half bad when worn over a Portal T-shirt, and I wish Moon Base liked it better, because it makes me feel doublePLUSsexy.

Just something about feeling your liver bump against your esophagus that makes you feel ALIVE, MANNNN